WE’RE ON A MISSION TO CHANGE THE
LANDSCAPE OF RECOVERY

Tim looks at 12 signs that a person is healing from trauma.

Tim looks at the final 15 Faulty Logic Fallacies that are used frequently in Complex Trauma families. Often, it is about not seeing conflict as a way to get to the truth about the situation (they don't care about the truth), but as something that must be won at all cost, even if they have to use distortions and dirty tactics.

Any conflict with someone who is not willing to admit they are wrong will always result in them using tactics that are distorted. They seem logical but there are subtle flaws in their reasoning. Narcissists, Gaslighters and some family members use these regularly. Tim explores 30 Faulty Argument Styles.

Tim talks about some of the deeper issues that contribute to suicide and how Complex Trauma influences many of those issues.

A child usually experiences Complex Trauma as a result of relationships at home, but it is possible for them to experience Complex Trauma through 4 other spheres. Tim explains the other possible contributors to Complex Trauma.

Tim looks at some of the subtle things that deplete us of energy and two different types of self-care.

Healing from Complex Trauma involves reparenting our wounded self. Tim begins looking at what is involved in this process. Today, he looks at the necessary building blocks an infant must have if they are to develop in a healthy way.

The foundation necessary for a child to develop in a healthy way is attachment. What does a child need in order to attach? What are practical tools for developing secure attachment?

One of the challenges of re-parenting ourselves is dealing with our limbic brain. Tim gives an understanding of why that is so, and practical tools for helping us.

For most people with Complex Trauma, they have many painful memories about Special Occasions. But Special Occasions that are done in healthy ways are vital to creating healthy people, families and societies.

A healthy life is only possible is one has the right values. Many from Complex Trauma grew up with the "Laws/Values of the Jungle". It is important for them to learn a healthy set of values

In order for a child to develop in a healthy way, they need much encouragement. Complex Trauma families breed discouragement. Re-parenting self involves learning to encourage self and others.

Trust is a foundational building block of a healthy life; but in order for a child to build trust, they need parents who are committed to them. What does that kind of commitment look like? It is important to understand it because I need that same kind of commitment today to myself.

Research shows that adults need play almost as much as children do; and that play is very important for maintaining good mental health and healthy self-care. Most people from Complex Trauma have not experienced healthy play, and so this is something important for them to learn as they reparent themselves.

Parents teach their children how to process and resolve hurt. Getting hurt in relationships and by life is part of life. In recovery, we must re-parent ourselves to learn how to respond to hurt in a way that will enable us to resolve it.

Being healthy is the result of balancing all of the needs and responsibilities of one's life. But it is very complicated, especially for people with Complex Trauma. Learn why this is so, as well as healthy tools for becoming balanced.

An overview of 17 parenting styles, 16 of which are potentially harmful, so that people can catch any harmful styles they are using to re-parent themselves.

Many find inner child work to be an important part of their journey of healing from trauma. But what are people referring to when they talk about their inner child?

Practical tools for connecting with one's inner child.

The brain develops ways to protect the wounded inner child. These are known as adaptations or protectors. The problem for people from Complex Trauma is that once they become adults, these adaptations cause them a lot of problems in relationships and life. Learn about these protectors and how to reparent them during todays Tim Talk.

Giving and receiving gifts in a healthy way is very important for a child's development. But Complex Trauma messes up most of this. Re-parenting ourselves requires learning to give and receive gifts in a healthy way; and it has many, many benefits.

To be healthy a child needs to be fully accepted - their body and personality. But there is a tricky part to acceptance. Do I accept all of my body, or are there some things I can change? What do I do when it comes to accepting other people or circumstances? Is it all right to accept some things and reject others?

Every child needs to know how to find healthy friends, and how to distinguish between safe people and unsafe people; and they need to know what process to undergo in order to figure that out. They also need to know what to do when they encounter parts things in people that make them feel uncomfortable or annoyed. Do they reject the person or accept them?

Children are naturally resilient; it is something that must be taught to them. Children from Complex Trauma learn to survive, but are not resilient. Complex Trauma creates a sense of helplessness and hopelessness. Re-parenting involves learning resilience today. Learn how that is done.

Children need to be taught that it is not just important what they do (their actions), but also why they do it (their motives). Good actions with the wrong motives can do a lot of damage. Children from Complex Trauma grow up in a world of unhealthy motives. What do healthy motives look like? How does one grow in this area?

What is spirituality? It is often not understood in our culture. What is the difference between spirituality and religion? Is it important? What are some of the ways it can be distorted and become harmful?

Re-Parenting involves learning how to meet my 12 needs. When do I need help from others? When am I totally responsible myself for my needs? What exactly are my needs?

Research regularly shows that a healthy life is built on healthy thinking. Children need to be taught, not only what to think, but also, how to think. Complex Trauma negatively affects both. It results in believing many lies and in having many unhealthy types of thinking.

Successful lives are built on healthy habits used to meet our 12 Needs. Research shows that the younger children learn healthy habits, the better chance they have at a healthy life. But Complex Trauma results in lots of unhealthy habits. What are healthy habits? How does one break bad habits and start healthy habits?

Every child fails. Failure is part of life and learning. But for people who grew up in Complex Trauma, failure was never a good thing. Nothing good came out of failure. So, re-parenting oneself requires learning to respond to their own failures in healthy ways, so that they become positive learning experiences.

Part of parenting is talking to children about "the birds and the bees". But what happens if a child is sexually abused or received teaching about sex that was distorted? What ramifications would that have in their life? What would re-parenting look like so that they end up with a healthy understanding and experiencing of sex?

Another way to describe re-parenting is to think of it in terms of parenting a child with Complex Trauma. This is a child who already has many unhealthy coping tools and is using survival tools in an attempt to feel safe. Today, Tim shares strategies for parenting and re-parenting Complex Trauma.

Parenting an anxious child is challenging. What are tools that will help us do this?

Parenting an angry child is extremely difficult. What tools help us do this?

Parenting involves preparing children for the pressures/temptations they will face in new situations. As a child grows, they learn that they will face pressure not just from their external world, but also from their internal world. They have a dark side, dark urges, dark forces within. What tools help us deal with these dark internal and external forces?

Peace is something every parent desires for their child, but peace is such an illusive thing. What are the ingredients of peace and how does one attain internal and external peace?

Re-parenting ourselves involves deconstructing our past - carefully evaluating what we were taught so that we can discover any lies or any unhealthy tools were given to us. It is discovering why we have problems in our lives right now. It is examining the foundation and building materials of the house of our lives that is now falling apart. This is necessary so that we can get healthy, but it can be a difficult process.

Borderline Personality Disorder has become a label that carries a stigma. Tim asks people to get rid of that label and look at how a person would cope today in an intimate relationship if they were deeply hurt in a relationship as a child. How do we heal from deep relationship wounds? What are helpful tools for when those wounds are triggered today?

Why do people self-harm? For most, it is a temporary solution to their emotional pain. Sadly, it doesn't resolve their pain and ends up creating greater pain. What tools can a person learn so that they no longer need to self-harm? And how should we respond to someone who is involved in self-harm behaviour?

Dealing with an eating disorder is very difficult and painful. What causes eating disorders? Is it a symptom of deeper issues? Is there an approach that will help a person struggling with an eating disorder?

Parenting involves teaching your child how to choose good friends, be a good friend, and giving them the tools to have a healthy relationship. Complex Trauma greatly works against that in many ways. Why is that? What does a healthy relationship look like?

What are the signs that a relationship is unhealthy or that it is breaking down? What is the reason a relationship breaks down? What are the signs that a relationship is past the point of salvaging?

An important ingredient of a healthy relationship is that each person invest time and energy to "get" the other person - to understand them at a deep level. Most people from Complex Trauma have never experienced this while they were growing up. This talk is full of practical tools and lots of questions that you can ask someone to help you get to know them better.

Respect is essential to a healthy relationship. But what does healthy respect look like? And if respect has been lost, how is it recovered?

Every relationship has conflict. Conflict can be a very good thing; but for those from Complex Trauma, conflict has always been a bad thing. It has only led to more pain. As a result, most have avoided conflict and don't have many healthy tools for resolving conflict. Two tools are explored in this talk - how to introduce conflict and how to respond when emotions escalate.

The goal of conflict should not be to win but to understand; and hopefully then, to resolve. This talk gives practical tools for processing conflict; and give a practical approach for processing 5 of the 7 most common, and hottest, conflict topics.

An important goal in conflict should be to learn from the conflict, after it is over? What did we do well? What could we have done better? Tim gives practical tools for doing this.

How do you tell if a family is healthy? It is tricky since being a family means balancing your needs with my needs; time together vs time apart; fun vs serious; work vs rest; love vs self-care. Tim helps us think through some of the negative results that can happen when two of those competing needs gets out of balance.

Somewhat healthy families can create Complex Trauma in their children if they have some important things out of balance. It can be subtle, but it can do a lot of damage. Tim explores some subtle unhealthy aspects of family dynamics and tools.

Sometimes when a family is "normal", it does not mean they are healthy, it just means that we are used to them and they are like a lot of other families. But they could actually have some very unhealthy characteristics that we aren't aware of. Tim helps us think through subtle things that can be unhealthy in families.

How do you help a child who is grieving? How do you help your inner child who might be grieving? It can be different than helping an adult who is grieving. Kimberly Stowers, a coach at LIFT, presents much helpful information and many helpful tools.

Having dreams about what one's life will become is a healthy part of growing up. But sometimes those dreams don't happen. Sometimes those dreams are crushed. How do we help ourselves (or a child) through the process of dealing with the loss of dreams?

Aging is difficult for everybody, but especially for people who haven't dealt with their Complex Trauma. Also, for many in Recovery, one of the difficult things to figure out is what their responsibility is for their aging parents. Tim discusses both of these issues.

Every culture has both healthy aspects and unhealthy aspects. The unhealthy aspects can add extra difficulties for someone in Recovery. They have to go against what many people consider to be "normal". Tim talks about 3 subtle negative forces in our culture today.

For some in Recovery, culture is not a safe place. This makes Recovery even more difficult. Tim talks about 3 unhealthy aspects of culture that make it a Complex Trauma environment for some people - racism/discrimination, patriarchy and the sexualization of women.

Communication is an essential part of life, but effective communication is difficult, especially for people from Complex Trauma. Tim talks about what healthy communication looks like and all the things that can mess up healthy communication.

Good communication requires good listening; which can be difficult for people from Complex Trauma. Kimberly explains why that is so, and gives helpful tools for becoming better listeners.

Complex Trauma = Chronic Stress; but for most, it is they're normal, and they don't even realize when stress is building and becoming a problem. Tim talks about the effects of stress on the body and practical tools for dealing with stress.

Every child needs to learn self-discipline if they are to succeed in life. For people from Complex Trauma, self-discipline is something they either love or hate. Why is that? What can they do to grow in this important area?

Parenting a child who continually lies can be very challenging. But what happens if that is you? What is it that triggers you to tell a lie? Stopping yourself from lying is more than just promising not to lie; it is dealing with the underlying issues that get triggered and cause you to lie in the first place. Tim will explore these underlying issues that can get triggered today.

Every parent wants their child to be physically healthy. But what are the components of physical health? Is it just taking care of the physical machine, or is more involved?

Re-Parenting involves becoming aware of my emotions, managing my emotions in a healthy way, expressing my emotions in a healthy way and responding well to the emotions of others. But Complex Trauma makes it very difficult for people to do this. Tim helps us understand why this is so.

Tim Takes the listener through an EQ Test to help them understand the many different factors that are part of Emotional Intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence begins with becoming aware of our emotions. But that is difficult for many from Complex Trauma who have disconnected from their emotions. Tim gives practical tools on how to become aware of emotions.

Healthy relationships and a healthy life require vulnerability. But for those from Complex Trauma, vulnerability is dangerous and scary. What does healthy vulnerability look like? Tim explores this important question.

Every child faces adversity. Everyone on Recovery faces adversity. Do we try to protect them from some of it or all of it? What tools can we give them to help them get through it and benefit from it?

Parenting sometimes involves helping your child not be afraid of the dark; which involves giving them tools to handle the dark. We all know that darkness can be dangerous and scary; Tim looks at some of the benefits of literal and metaphorical darkness.

Human trafficking is becoming a significant problem in our world. It is the second biggest revenue source for organized crime. Not only does it traumatize people, but people with Complex Trauma are the most vulnerable to fall prey to it. Kristen, the director of our Windsor RE/ACT Centre, talks about this very important topic.

Love is one of the most misunderstood concepts today, but it is so important to understand love and know how to love if we are to be healthy. Tim looks at the first of 7 misunderstandings about love.

6 more misunderstandings about love are explained.

Once one begins to understand what love is, what steps does one take to begin to learn how to be capable of loving relationships? Tim looks at 2 things - learning to love yourself and learning your relationship template.

We talk about 5 Love Languages; but is there such a thing as Connection Languages - things that cause people to feel more connected to others and help them be present, open and vulnerable? Tim explores 10 Connection Languages.

Parenting involves giving a child tools to deal with loss. Sadly, in Complex Trauma, most children do not receive healthy tools to deal with loss. Tim begins this series by helping us understand the many losses that people have to deal with in their lives.

Most with Complex Trauma did not receive many healthy tools for grieving, but they received unhealthy tools. Often they aren't even aware of what those unhealthy tools are. Tim defines 31 unhealthy grieving tools.

Major loss is not "got over" in a day or two. In many cases, it takes quite a while for the brain and emotions to resolve the loss. We now understand that there are parts to this process. Tim helps us understand this process.

Tim wraps up this mini-series on grief with some practical guidelines for grieving.

A difficult challenge for many parents is parenting a child with mental health problems. The same is true when it comes to re-parenting oneself after Complex Trauma. Over 90% of people with Complex Trauma struggle with mental health issues. How do we understand mental health issues? What causes them? How do we help someone with them?

Tim looks at how Complex Trauma affects mental health, as well as what research shows about a core cause of mental health issues. He ends by giving practical tools for managing mental health issues.

Since depression can be more than just genetic - since it can be influenced greatly by Complex Trauma; it is important to understand the aspects of Complex Trauma that feed depression. That way, we can begin to learn tools to heal and manage those things, which will ultimately help our depression. Tim gives 20 things from Complex Trauma that can feed depression.

Many from Complex Trauma reach adult life and don't know who they are. They have spent their life playing roles and wearing masks. They are not sure what their original authentic personality is. How does one figure out their personality? Tim explores this question.

Children do not usually like to wait. They have a small window of tolerance. Parents must teach children the value of patience and how to gain a bigger window of tolerance. Complex Trauma makes patience even more difficult. Tim explains why and gives tools for increasing patience.

An important part of the recovery journey is learning to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy. Healthy escapes vs Unhealthy escapes; Healthy withdrawal from people vs Unhealthy isolation; Healthy Self-care vs Unhealthy Selfishness. Tim explores some of these important distinctions.

Tim looks at more helpful distinctions that are important to understand in recovery from Trauma.

Tim gives some more helpful distinctions to help in the Recovery journey.

The final episode on helpful distinctions in Recovery.

Tim looks at the 8 Core Emotional/Relational Needs. These needs need to be met in order for a person to feel safe, loved, valued, secure and respected. This video covers the first 3 - Attachment, Authenticity and Autonomy.

Tim looks at the final 5 of the 8 A's that make up our emotional needs. These are the needs that must be met if we are to feel loved, safe, respected and not experience Complex Trauma: Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, Allowance

Part of parenting is helping your child know how to detect whether a person is healthy. Our culture uses a dating checklist that often results in a person thinking that someone they are dating is a good catch, when actually they are quite unhealthy. Tim gives some criteria that can help us find safe people.

What is Limerence? Is it connected to relationship addiction? What causes it? Does it have anything to do with Complex Trauma?