Why You Do What You Do: How Complex Trauma Shapes Your Coping Mechanisms
Have you ever wondered why you react to stress in ways that seem to make things worse? Or why you sabotage good things just as they’re starting to go well? If you’ve asked yourself, “Do I have complex trauma?” or “Is this C-PTSD?” the answer might lie in your past. Complex trauma in adults—often rooted in repeated, prolonged exposure to traumatic events during childhood—can profoundly shape the way we cope with life.
In this article, we’ll explore how complex trauma rewires the brain, creates survival-based coping mechanisms, and how you can begin to break free from these patterns. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, addiction, or relationship issues, understanding the root of your behaviours is the first step toward healing.
What Is Complex Trauma, and How Does It Affect Coping?
Complex trauma isn’t just a single event—it’s an ongoing experience of abuse, neglect, or dysfunction, often inflicted by caregivers. Unlike a one-time trauma, complex trauma in adults shapes the way we see the world and ourselves. It teaches us that the world is unsafe, that we can’t rely on others, and that survival depends on staying hyper-vigilant.
But here’s the catch: the coping mechanisms that help us survive childhood trauma often become maladaptive in adulthood. What once kept us safe can now keep us stuck.
How Does Trauma Rewire the Brain?
To understand how complex trauma affects coping, we need to look at the brain. The brain has two key players when it comes to handling stress:
1. The Thinking Brain (Frontal Cortex): This part helps us process information logically, solve problems, and make decisions.
2. The Doing Brain (Limbic System): This is our survival center—it triggers fight, flight, or freeze responses when we sense danger.
In a healthy brain, these two systems work together. When a child feels scared, a caregiver helps them process the fear, engaging the thinking brain and calming the limbic system. But in a traumatic environment, the limbic system becomes overactive. The brain perceives almost everything as a threat, shutting down the thinking brain and relying solely on survival instincts.
The Result?
- You react impulsively to stress.
- You struggle to think through problems.
- You feel constantly on edge, even in safe situations.
Why Do I Sabotage Good Things?
If you’ve ever found yourself ruining a good relationship, quitting a job just as you’re about to succeed, or relapsing after months of recovery, you’re not alone. This self-sabotage is a common response to complex trauma in adults.
Here’s why it happens:
- Fear of Success: If you grew up in an environment where good things were rare or followed by pain, success can feel dangerous. You might think, “If things are going too well, something bad must be around the corner.”
- Fear of Change: Trauma survivors often prefer the familiar pain of the past over the uncertainty of change. Even if your current situation is unhealthy, it feels safer than the unknown.
Practical Example:
Imagine you’re in a healthy relationship for the first time. Instead of feeling happy, you feel anxious. You start picking fights or withdrawing because the stability feels unfamiliar. This is your brain’s way of trying to return to what it knows—chaos.
Why Am I Drawn to Chaos and Risky Behaviour?
It might seem counterintuitive, but many trauma survivors are drawn to chaos and risky behaviors. Here’s why:
1. Chaos Feels Familiar: If you grew up in a dysfunctional home, calm and stability can feel uncomfortable. Chaos, on the other hand, feels like “home.”
2. Risky Behavior Creates Feeling: Trauma often leads to emotional numbness. Risky behaviors—like substance use, reckless driving, or toxic relationships—can provide a temporary escape from that numbness.
3. Distraction from Pain: Chaos and risk can distract you from the underlying pain of trauma.
If you’ve ever wondered why you keep ending up in toxic relationships or dangerous situations, it’s not because you’re self-destructive. It’s because your brain is trying to recreate the environment it knows best.
Why Can’t I Trust Anyone?
Trust issues are a hallmark of complex trauma and C-PTSD. When the people who were supposed to care for you hurt you, it’s natural to conclude that you can’t rely on anyone but yourself.
The Problem?
This mindset can lead to isolation and difficulty forming healthy relationships. You might push people away or struggle to open up, even when you want to connect.
Practical Example:
Think of it like this: If you were a child standing on a roof, and your dad said, “Jump, I’ll catch you,” but didn’t, you’d learn not to trust him. If someone else later says, “Jump, I’ll catch you,” your immediate response might be, “No way. I’ve been hurt before.”
How Can I Break Free from These Patterns?
The good news is that while complex trauma shapes us, it doesn’t have to define us. Start by recognizing how your past influences your present—ask yourself, “Is this behavior helping me or hurting me?” Replace maladaptive coping mechanisms with healthier ones, like journaling or talking to a trusted friend. Seek support through therapy or support groups, and practice self-compassion as you navigate this journey. Healing from C-PTSD and complex trauma in adults is hard work, but with patience and persistence, you can rewrite your story.
You’re Not Broken—You’re Adaptable
Complex trauma can leave lasting scars, but it also reveals your incredible ability to adapt and survive. The coping mechanisms that once helped you navigate a painful world may no longer serve you, but they’re a testament to your resilience.
By understanding how trauma has shaped your behaviors, you can begin to rewrite your story. It’s not about blaming yourself or your past—it’s about reclaiming your power to create a healthier, more fulfilling future.
Additional Resources to Support Your Journey
You don’t have to navigate this path alone. Explore these resources designed to support and empower you:
- ALIGN Courses: Practical, self-paced, trauma-informed tools to help you navigate recovery with clarity and confidence.
- Article: Read “Do I Have Complex Trauma?” for actionable insights into overcoming trauma’s long-lasting effects.
Healing is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. You don’t have to walk it alone. Let’s take the first step together