Understanding Validation: Admiration or Approval?
Validation is an essential part of the human experience that we all crave throughout our life. The way we seek acknowledgment and affirmation can greatly affect our well-being and the quality of our relationships. To understand our need for validation, we must know the difference between seeking admiration and seeking approval. Validation can show up in both healthy and unhealthy ways.
Are You Seeking Approval or Attention? - Complex Trauma Prisons (youtube.com)
Admiration vs. Approval
Seeking Admiration involves the desire to be respected and looked up to for our qualities, achievements, or behaviors. It's about striving for recognition because of the personal accomplishments or the values we hold closely. You can find a sense of "feel good" through your friends, coworkers, or even social media followers.
Seeking admiration can be a good thing. It can motivate you to reach your potential and inspire others. This is true when you are truly committed to your growth and excellence.
Seeking Approval however, often includes the immediate need for affirmation of our choices or actions from others. This can involve constant requests for reassurance, people pleasing, or needing external confirmation to feel secure about decisions. People often engage in approval-seeking behaviors because they desire acceptance and want to please others. This can lead to actions based more on outside expectations than on our own values.
While both admiration and approval can influence how we interact with others, problems may arise when the desire for external validation overshadows our internal sense of self-worth. Understanding where these needs originate and recognizing their influences is important to maintain a balanced and healthy approach to validation.
Chasing likes and comments on social media.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Validation
When you look for validation in a healthy way, it can improve your self-esteem. It helps you see your worth and achievements, making you feel more confident. It also supports emotional stability by giving you reassurance, which can lower anxiety and stress. Overall, healthy validation helps you grow as a person and build better relationships with yourself and others.
Healthy validation includes acknowledging your worth, celebrating accomplishments, and embracing yourself without having to rely on external opinions. It promotes personal growth and helps people become independent. This leads to a strong sense of self that isn't too affected by outside opinions.
In contrast, unhealthy validation relies too heavily on others to provide a sense of self-worth. This often means you need constant praise. You might change your behavior to fit in. You may also avoid being yourself because you fear rejection.
For example, people in an “unhealthy validation loop” may feel a quick boost in self-worth from praise. However, their self-esteem can drop significantly when that praise stops or is not present. This cycle can prevent individuals from developing an authentic sense of self.
Why Do People Seek Unhealthy Validation?
The roots of unhealthy validation-seeking often trace back to early childhood experiences. Children raised in homes where praise and love were dependent on achievements or good behaviors, may begin to believe that self-worth comes from external validation. A lack of emotional support or recognition during childhood can also lead to seeking affirmation from external sources as they grow up.
Cultural pressures, society, and the strong influence of social media can also play significant roles in receiving unhealthy validation. Our society often connects public recognition and success with personal value, accidentally then promoting the pursuit of external approval. It becomes more clear how individuals may become trapped in this when you also add the comparison culture that comes through various forms of social media.
In adult life, the behavior can persist if one hasn’t developed a strong sense of self-worth. Fear of rejection and low self-esteem can make people seek validation. When they don’t get the recognition they want, their self-esteem drops even more. Constantly comparing themselves to others adds to this cycle.
Long-term Consequences of Unhealthy Validation-seeking
Consistently seeking validation in unhealthy ways can lead to a number of long-term consequences:
Low Self-esteem and Anxiety: Dependence on others for validation continually lowers self-esteem over time. Without continuous external praise, feelings of shame and anxiety become common, leading to a lost sense of self.
Strained Relationships: Constantly needing validation can strain personal and professional relationships. It may lead others to perceive you as needy or insecure, causing challenges and distancing in relationships.
Loss of Authentic Self: Regularly changing yourself to gain acceptance can result in losing touch with your true self. Over time, this can lead to unhappiness, as you may neglect interests and values that genuinely relate to you.
Burnout and Exhaustion: The emotional labor of constantly seeking external validation is exhausting. Wearing a “mask” all the time takes a lot of effort. This can cause burnout and hurt mental health. It also affects overall quality of life.
Cognitive Dissonance: Acting in ways that match others’ expectations instead of your own beliefs can cause cognitive dissonance. This is a type of stress that comes from having conflicting beliefs and behaviors.
A group of happy people.
Developing Healthy Validation
To build a healthier approach to validation, consider growing greater self-awareness and practicing self-compassion. Here are some steps to help develop healthy validation:
Self-reflection: Engage in regular self-reflection to understand your patterns around seeking approval. Find the triggers and situations that make you seek outside approval. Then, focus on aligning with your own values.
Mindfulness Practices: Using mindfulness activities like meditation or journaling can help you focus on the present. This can reduce the need to seek validation from others.
Self-compassion: Practice treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during moments of failure or uncertainty. Self-compassion develops an internal sense of self-worth that is resilient to external feedback.
Set Personal Goals: Focus on personal growth by setting goals aligned with your values and passions. Motivation from meaningful achievements can eliminate the need for external praise to feel validated.
Cultivate Authentic Relationships: Surround yourself with people who appreciate and accept you for who you truly are. Authentic connections provide support and reinforce a sense of belonging, reducing the necessity for constant external validation.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Actively challenge and reframe negative thoughts about needing approval. Replace them with affirming beliefs about your worth and capabilities that are independent of others’ recognition.
In conclusion, wanting validation is a normal part of human interaction. Understanding the difference between seeking admiration and seeking approval can help people better meet their needs for validation.
Building self-worth allows individuals to recognize their need for internal validation, which can reduce problems caused by unhealthy behaviors. Ultimately, this leads to more fulfilling and balanced lives, where self-worth comes from within rather than outside influences.
