Imagine there is a glass of water sitting in front of us that is filled half way. Do we see it as half empty or half full? Our answer can tell us a lot about our mindset. 

People who see the glass half full depict a positive attitude, optimism and a general feeling of all is right with the world. 

For those of us who view the glass as half empty, we may be victims of a critical and negative mindset. Is this common, but dangerous headspace, is one that can be learned from our parents or other family members?

Or, do we develop this as a part of Complex Trauma? 

Many of us may be critical and not realize we are. It is possible we do if we have a tendency to:

  • Complain a lot and blame others for our woes
  • Expect the worst outcomes from people and situations
  • Always are in a hurry – rush for time and have road rage
  • Gossip about others, complain about the boss, fellow employees, wages, hours, etc.
  • Ask others “How was your day?” but don’t actually care

How do we develop this mindset? 

If exposed to people who are negative and critical as a child, our brain trains itself to look for the negative as a protective measure.  If one or both of our parents were negative we adopted the same approach. We may have learned this way of coping drives people away and makes it easy to avoid healthy relationships or connect with others. 

Other possible reasons may include:

  • Our inner critic believes it’s easier to judge and find fault – this is our shame
  • Feeds our sense of self-worth or value – find something negative in order to feel superior
  • Grew up with a double standard and had to live up to unrealistic expectations 
  • Use it as an excuse to blame our problems and lack of happiness on others 

What are we teaching our children? 

Children who grow up with parents who have a negative and critical attitude tend to shut down, hide and feel they can’t be themselves. They may develop anxiety, depression and feel hopeless as anything they do or try is never good enough. 

They become afraid to open up, share their hearts, ideas and dreams in fear of being judged, criticized or put down. A negative and critical environment does a lot of damage to a child.

If we find ourselves resonating with the above information, we may be a victim. When we grow up in a family who gravitates to a negative or critical mindset, is there a more positive way to live?

Yes.

Complex Trauma is the underlying cause that lurks in our background. Understanding how our parents actions negativity rewired our brains, in order to keep us safe, is the first step to creating awareness. 

Evolving research over the last 25 years has exposed this field of study, opening new doors into successful, trauma recovery. We are pioneers in this field and our programs effectively transform Complex Trauma at the deepest levels.

It is more than developing a positive attitude or changing out negative thoughts for positive ones. True transformation comes with self-awareness. When we uncover the root cause and learn how to control our thought patterns, we can stop the cycle of negativity in our lives and see positive results. 

Life can and does change.  Visit timfletcher.ca to learn how.