Over my years as a counsellor, here’s what I have seen to be the most common relationship issues:

  1. Inability to let go of a relationship
  2. Not knowing how to end a relationship
  3. Picking someone who is emotionally unavailable
  4. Getting into a relationship too quickly
  5. Not knowing how to rebuild a broken relationship with one’s kids
  6. Lack of healthy boundaries
  7. And an inability to find healthy people in recovery to build relationships with

I have seen that the issues go much deeper than those listed above. The main underlying issues are:

  1. Shame – unless one’s core belief about themselves changes, healthy relationships will almost be impossible
  2. Fear of abandonment
  3. Fear of being authentic
  4. Complex Trauma – the survival skills necessary to survive Complex Trauma and make healthy relationships impossible

In other words, in order to have a healthy relationship, one must be willing to take the huge risk of getting rid of their old tools and learning a new set of tools. My hope for you is that you will be willing to learn a new set of tools and apply them in your life. It will be scary, but I think you will find it is worth it.

With Love, 

Tim Fletcher