Over my years as a counsellor, here’s what I have seen to be the most common relationship issues:
- Inability to let go of a relationship
- Not knowing how to end a relationship
- Picking someone who is emotionally unavailable
- Getting into a relationship too quickly
- Not knowing how to rebuild a broken relationship with one’s kids
- Lack of healthy boundaries
- And an inability to find healthy people in recovery to build relationships with
I have seen that the issues go much deeper than those listed above. The main underlying issues are:
- Shame – unless one’s core belief about themselves changes, healthy relationships will almost be impossible
- Fear of abandonment
- Fear of being authentic
- Complex Trauma – the survival skills necessary to survive Complex Trauma and make healthy relationships impossible
In other words, in order to have a healthy relationship, one must be willing to take the huge risk of getting rid of their old tools and learning a new set of tools. My hope for you is that you will be willing to learn a new set of tools and apply them in your life. It will be scary, but I think you will find it is worth it.
With Love,
Tim Fletcher