Since the start of RE/ACT, I have noticed that the ‘emotions’ week is a very tough but important week. My goal in designing this week was not to stir up painful emotions and leave you sitting in them but rather to make you aware of your emotional world. I want you to be able to resolve painful emotions, and learn how to manage them in a healthy way; so that you will no longer go to Fight, Flight, or Freeze whenever you experience a painful emotion. I hope that you have learned some tools to do that, and have seen that getting healthy and staying clean are dependent on you developing a higher EQ (Emotional Quotient).

I want to give you two perspectives that I hope will encourage you:

  1. Throughout my life, I have seen many people go through similar experiences that involved intense pain but I have seen people respond to it differently. Some become angry and bitter and some shut down and try not to feel; but others walk into the pain, learn the lessons of it, figure out what they need to do to resolve it, and grow as a result of it. In other words, the same pain makes some people stronger and better, whereas it makes others weaker and sicker. It is dependent on how people choose to respond to it.
  2. I heard someone make an observation once, and it really impacted me. It was that as you look at history, you discover that the people God used for the greatest tasks were those who have experienced the greatest pain, and allowed it to shape their character in a positive way.

Complex Trauma created tons of pain that a child could not resolve so, in order to survive, they had to go to Fight, Flight, or Freeze. My hope for each of you is that you apply the tools you have learned so that the pain that used to send you in negative directions will now make you stronger and better. 

With Love,

Tim Fletcher

In my childhood, when my parents fought, I was never talked to after about the situation and how I felt about it. Neither of my parents said, ‘We’re sorry that happened in front of you”, “It isn’t your fault’ or asked, “How did it make you feel that you had to witness that?”

I didn’t have the tools to process what had happened around me. Instead, I would do one of two things, hide in my room, which led to stuffing or when I was old enough, flight or run to a family member or friend’s house. My feelings or emotions never mattered, I didn’t know how to identify with them because I was never taught how to.

I learned that when things were “good” between my parents, life was okay. It became my life’s mission to make everyone and everything okay.

After my parents divorced when I was 20, my mother fell apart. She had been with my father since she was 18. She lost everything she thought she knew; I understood and recognized that being a wife and mother was her identity. This was the time it came for me to “fix” everyone else as she wasn’t able to. The goal was to make everyone better and happy.

My doctor thought it would be a good idea for me to start seeing a psychologist at this time. I reluctantly went. My first visit he asked me how I was doing. I replied “I’m good”. He said “Krista, how are you really doing?” No one had ever asked me that before. Since when did I matter? He then said,

“Krista, you know it’s okay if you’re not okay”.

Those words changed me and my life after that. He gave me permission to be angry and sad and to feel those emotions for the first time. To allow them to start coming out. How to deal with them and sort out my childhood and how it affected me was a different matter.

That process has led me to today. I had to fail miserably before I could get back. RE/ACT finally gave me those answers. In writing these words, I realize, all of my heartache and pain could have been saved if my parents had provided me with the tools to identify and deal with my emotions and have had them themselves.

With Love,

Krista Michie 

“Having an addiction is like sitting under a large pile of rocks. The rocks, are shame.  My shame. The first days when I learned about Complex Trauma, it was like someone taking one rock away at a time so a little bit of light could seep in, and I could begin to find myself.”

June marks a significant milestone for Tim Fletcher, as his dreams of publishing books on Complex Trauma in the context of addictions and mental health are finally being realized. Cindy McKay, together with my team have been working tirelessly to prepare this first book for publishing.

The original title was “The Missing Link”. After much consideration of the title, and running it through book databases, we were concerned that the title of the book was not original enough. Not on its own. The line of thinking was 100% correct, but I was strictly thinking from a marketing perspective. After quite a bit of digging into book titles that would be unique, and we came across the word “RELINK”. Its definition is simply “to reconnect”.

 Somehow, this singular word had the powerful double meaning of reconnecting – addiction to complex trauma, as well as reconnect – the opposite of addiction.

Based on some discussions I had with some clients from RE/ACT and primarily with Tim, we wanted to depict an “uncovering”. The idea that in this book, you can begin to find yourself. We didn’t want it to look like a smooth or easy process, but one that would take some work. As we developed the concept, I kept referring to one of the RE/ACT clients who mentioned: “Having an addiction is like sitting under a large pile of rocks. The rocks, are shame.  My shame. The first days when I learned about Complex Trauma, it was like someone taking one rock away at a time so a little bit of light could seep in, and I could begin to find myself.”

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Cindy McKay

There is Real Hope 


In the media, politicians and policing organizations all rave about the war on drugs and addictions. Governments vow getting tougher on crime policies with more severe penalties attached, all in the name of public safety. This may be a great way to win over the general population’s perception of safety but over the last several years, has very little impact on the level of crime seen in cities everywhere. The fear continues. The insurmountable problem offers very little in the way of real solution. 

The goal should be to get to the root cause of the violent behavior in the criminals. Develop and understand why people feel compelled to commit crime and become addicted to substances. The politicians have to adopt the attitude that, just maybe, with the right supports in place, prevention of people crossing the line to criminal or risky behaviours can be the real change. 

Tim Fletcher did a four-week series on Complex Trauma at Riverwood Community Church, of which we attend. The message delivered to the congregation hit home with everyone in the audience as we learned that to be human, often, sadly, means experiencing trauma in some way shape or form in our lifetime. Whether it be the abused child who grows up in an unhealthy home or one time traumatic events of car accidents, verbal, sexual, emotional or spiritual abuse, how we perceive these events can have long lasting effects on who we are and how we show up in the world. 

As I sat in the audience, I realized that I have experienced several one-time traumas in my life. Although I feel I have coped well, I realized that these experiences shaped the decisions I have made throughout my life. Connecting the dots was emotional and it deepened my understanding of how much of our society is affected by Complex Trauma. 

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Pre sales begin June 1! We will be launching an E-Book to start, and hopefully a hard-cover book later this year. We will keep you updated on availability!

With Love,

Shannon Vanderlinde
Tim Fletcher Co/ Finding Freedom/ RE/ACT COO

“Of all the mammals, we humans have the least mature brain at birth. Early in their infancy other new born animals perform tasks far beyond the capabilities of human babies. A horse, for example, can run on its first day of life. Not for a year and a half or more can most humans muster the muscle strength, visual acuity and neurological control skills – perception, balance, orientation in space, coordination – to perform that activity. In other words, the horses’ brain development is at least a year and half ahead of our own – probably even more, in horse years. Our evolutionary predecessors were permitted to walk upright, which freed limbs to evolve into arms and hands, capable of many delicate and complicate activities. Those advances in manual versatility and dexterity required a tremendous enlargement of the brain especially of its frontal areas. Our frontal lobes, which coordinate the movement of our hands, are larger than those of our closest relative, the chimpanzee. These lobes, particularly their prefrontal areas, are also responsible for the problem solving, social and language skills that have allowed humankind to thrive. There are times in the first year of life when, every second, multiple millions of nerve connections or synapses. are established. Three quarters of our brain growth takes place outside the womb, most of it in the early years. By three years of age, the brain has reached 90% of adult size, whereas the body is only 18% of adult size. This explosion in growth outside the womb gives us a far higher potential for learning and adaptability than is granted to other mammals. – Dr. Gabor Maté (In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts)

There’s lots to glean from the above paragraph, whatever your beliefs about creation / evolution are. What I find most profound, is the immense amount of growth our brains have right after birth until about age 5. This growth slows down, but still continues at immense speed right up until our early teens. Unfortunately, most health-care systems treat addictions as an acute disorder. The cause of addiction is not basically substance dependent, it’s “experience-dependent”. This doesn’t completely rule out the addictive factors of substances or genetic factors that contribute to addiction, but primarily, the root, lies within the experiences we faced in childhood.

Our understanding becomes so much more clear and succinct when we start with, “this began in childhood.” I often have clients tell me that they don’t want to blame their parents or family members for their problems. That is NOT the purpose of going back to the beginning and uncovering what went wrong. But discovering more about complex trauma and the “why” helps us to know better. And when we know better, we do better.

Please as always feel free to reach out – you are not alone! We have staff and supports who are ready to help. I wish you all the best as you continue on your healing journey.

With Love,

Tim Fletcher

Imagine you are driving a car. It’s just you in the driver’s seat, and the roadway lies ahead. After driving a short distance, you realize something is wrong. Your car isn’t running properly. People on the side of the road begin staring and pointing at you. So you pull over to a restoration shop at the side of the road and get your car repainted. You head back out and continue driving. Your car is bright and shiny! Now, those on the side of the road are impressed by the look of your car, and give you a wave! You feel slightly better, but realize that the problem still persists. So you pull over to another service shop, and this time you get the tires replaced. You head back out on the road, but the problems remain. Stop, after stop, after stop, you continue pulling into different shops, and one piece at a time, you continue to get new paint, parts fixed, and things repaired. Something’s wrong, you just can not figure out what. Finally, you come to the realization that the only thing left to have a look at, is the engine. You never expected that this could possibly be the source of all the rest of the issues. Fixing the engine is scary, and you’re not even sure if you know a guy… If only you could just fix everything else, maybe the engine would start working properly? If you flushed all of the lines? If you replaced the spark plugs? Are you sure it’s not the battery??

This story is a depiction of the vicious cycle of complex trauma, and its effects on lives. Complex trauma directly affects the engine – the brain, and in over 97% of addicts, often goes unchecked. Those who suffer try treatment after treatment, program after program, and never actually achieve real, lasting healing. The reason is we’re only solving one side effect at a time, and never getting to the real “why”.

Those who struggle with addictions or mental health disorders, need to go into the shop for engine repairs and, I’m your guy.

Our current system tends to focus on the side effects of the hurt (how to overcome the addictions themselves), but I’ve dedicated my life’s work to striving to get to the source of, and forge healing from that hurt – I’m spending my time under the hood. Over the past few decades, I’ve discovered that the real solution – the real healing from this type of trauma, begins with unconditional love.

Complex trauma is any dynamics that cause a child not to feel safe or unconditionally loved. It occurs in childhood between the ages of 4 and 14, and happens at home, school or in church communities. This trauma can be real or perceived, and is not necessarily a form of physical, verbal, or sexual trauma.

Scientifically, complex trauma is defined quite well as following:

“The dual problems of children’s exposure to traumatic events and the impact of this exposure on immediate and long-term outcomes. Complex traumatic exposure refers to children’s experiences of multiple traumatic events that occur within the caregiving system – the social environment that is supposed to be the source of safety and stability in a child’s life. Typically, complex trauma exposure refers to the simultaneous or sequential occurrences of child maltreatment – including emotional abuse and neglect, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and witnessing domestic violence – that are chronic and begin in early childhood. Moreover, the initial traumatic experiences (e.g. parental neglect and emotional abuse) and the resulting emotional dysregulation, loss of safe base, loss of direction, and inability to detect or respond to danger cues, often lead to subsequent trauma exposure (e.g. physical and sexual abuse, or community violence). – Portland State University, Consumer Topic “Complex Trauma in Children and Adolescents”.

Do you or a loved one suffer from complex trauma? Do you think so but aren’t sure? I hope this gives you a bit of hope. Please feel free to reach out, or access the various resources on the site. I can promise you there’s so much to learn and there’s so much hope – just be patient. We’ll get there together.

With Love,

Tim Fletcher

“An MRI study in 2002 looked at the white matter in the brain of dozens of cocaine addicts from youth to middle age, in comparison with the white matter of nonusers. The brain’s grey matter contains the cell bodies of nerve cells; their connecting fibres, covered by fatty white tissue, form the white matter. As we age, we develop more active connections and therefore more white matter. In the brains of cocaine addicts, the age-related expansion of white matter is absent. Functionally, this means a loss of learning capacity – a diminished ability to make new choices, acquire new information and adapt to new circumstances. It gets worse. Other studies have shown that grey matter density, too, is reduced in the cerebral cortex of cocaine addicts – that is, they have smaller or fewer nerve cells than normal. A diminished volume of grey matter has also been shown in heroine addicts and alcoholics, and this education in brain size is correlated with the years of use: the longer the person has been addicted, the greater the loss of volume. In the part of the cerebral cortex responsible for regulating emotional impulses and for making rational decisions, these brain centres have also exhibited diminished energy utilization in chronic substance users, indicating that the nerve cells and circuits in those locations are doing less work.

…a recent primate study showed for the first time that the monkeys who developed a higher rate of cocaine self-administration – the ones who become hardcore users – had a lower number of these receptors to begin with, before ever having been exposed to the chemical. This illuminating finding suggests that among rhesus monkeys, who are considered to be excellent models of human addiction, some are much more prone to extremes of drug dependence than others.”

Wow did I ever find this interesting…

In the above, quoted from Dr. Gabor Maté, we see that cocaine abuse causes a decrease in the white matter of the brain, affecting learning and choices. It also affects the grey matter, decreasing impulse control and making rational choices. Dr. Maté also notes that not only does cocaine decrease brain size and function, addicts have a decreased ability in these areas even before they are introduced to the substance. 

In human life, there is an absolute explosion of growth and development of the human brain in the first months and years of life. Any stressors, be they social, physical, psychological, mental etc., in the life of a child during this time will have a significant impact on the health of the brain. Since 97% of addicts and those who suffer from mental disorders also suffer from complex trauma, we also often see the difficulties they have with making rational decisions, poor impulse control, problem solving, and social/ language skills. I aim to teach ways to deal with these defects instead of using addictive behaviours to “cope”.

If you think you’ve been negatively affected by complex trauma, reach out! We help develop new thought pathways in the brain that will allow hurting people to correct defects caused by complex trauma. This whole process takes time. We offer all sorts of programs and offer resources to help those who struggle on their healing journey.

With Love,

Tim Fletcher