We are going to talk about trust and respect. As children or in past relationships, so many of us have had our trust broken to the point where we think we may never trust again.
For me personally, there was one major event that broke my trust as a child and I believe that it was the beginning of my Complex Trauma. I was raised in a Catholic family and we had many ‘rules’ of how to and how not to act. When I found out that one of the major rules that had been preached to us had been violated, I had such a sense of betrayal and it was the event that put a stop to my spiritual growth. I felt like my parents were hypocrites and they nor God could be trusted. I also feel like if my parents had admitted the mistake, owned it, and apologized I could have gotten over it but because it was swept under the rug and we were not allowed to talk about it, I did not have a chance to process the situation and allow my trust to be repaired. This one major event has impacted me my whole life and I had a lot to deal with when I entered recovery.
Today, lying is a huge trigger for me and I will not tolerate it in my relationships. Throughout recovery I have learnt to form relationships with people I trust and respect. Having those relationships is an integral part of my recovery and I believe everyone needs to work on building friendships and relationships with people that they can trust.
Relationship red flags are something that I found to be very revealing in my own life. Having had few boundaries growing up, I tolerated a lot of unhealthy boundaries in my relationships with both family and friends. As I journeyed the road of healthy boundaries, I learned which red flags I was not willing to put up with. The boundaries were hard and often painful but the resulting freedom and peace that I received in the healthy friendships was well worth the work put into it. I learned and often continue to learn that the relationships that are healthy will be those who respect your ‘no’ and will encourage you to maintain healthy in your choices.