Ahh… the lazy days of summer have arrived at last, from what has seemed like a brutal winter and an unusually cool spring. It’s holiday time! Kids are out of school! It’s easy to let routines fall by the wayside in order to make the most of this short season.
Do we approach boundaries differently during the summer months than we do the rest of the year? Is that a good idea?
Summer is the perfect opportunity to test our boundary skills.
Boundaries get a bad rap as none of us are excited about following rules. Some of us live by the understanding that rules are meant to be broken or that all the fun happens outside the lines.
The more we learn about healing from Complex Trauma, we understand that boundaries are designed to keep us on a healthy track. Living within our boundaries brings us routines, peace of mind and a greater sense of joy. They help us achieve personal goals and objectives.
We all have internal and external boundaries.
Internal boundaries are personal disciplines of what we allow ourselves to do and what we don’t allow. They need to include a balanced approach to our physical, emotional and spiritual health. We create them to stay healthy and meet our own needs.
Examples: eat a healthy balanced diet, exercise, be honest, don’t gossip, set a reasonable bedtime to get enough sleep, live by the golden rule: do unto others as we will have them do unto us.
External boundaries are those we set with other people in order for us to stay safe.
Examples: avoid or set time limits with toxic people, avoid unhealthy places, have someone keep our bank card if impulse spending is an issue.
There are so many temptations during the summer months! Especially this year as we have the opportunity to celebrate in a mostly normal post-pandemic environment. Summer fairs and events! Graduations, weddings, camping trips, barbecues and get togethers around the campfire with friends. All of these occasions are met with decisions surrounding food and beverage choices. Do we stay up late to enjoy the moment or stay on track with our normal routines?
This is a tough decision. Lots will depend on where we are in our recovery journey. We may need to set limits to these activities until we become healthier.
Stepping outside of our boundaries requires a lot of self-awareness. Know our limits, adhere to our values, listen to our emotions and show respect for ourselves and others.
For most of us, we can occasionally step out and enjoy those moments. We need to be mindful of our behaviours. If we step out of line for too long, gently discipline ourselves back into routines. Life truly is happiest inside our boundaries.